its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize