I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
