so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
