Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
