you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize