He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
