i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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