there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
