First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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