capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
