pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
