It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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