Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
