So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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