i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i've created a new STD.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize