apparently the secret to your success is patron
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
