You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
