I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
