the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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