Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
