put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
