please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
