i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
