and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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