Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
