pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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