I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize