im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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