i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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