i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
