Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
