ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
