They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
