I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
