I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
