Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
