Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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