were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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