I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
