I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
