Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
