it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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