you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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