Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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