can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
