the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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