The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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