Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
