I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
