God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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