whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
