ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
