I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
