Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
