if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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