half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
