sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
