Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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