HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize