Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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