love makes seman taste better
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
