Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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