I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
