We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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