This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
