somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
