Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
