Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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