the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
