Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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