I'm so fucking centered right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
