At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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