Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
