good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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