It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
