I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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