end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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