We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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