some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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