did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
