once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize