im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This baby is an asshole
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
