We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
