apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
