so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
