I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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