I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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