Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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