my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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