ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
