you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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