I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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