My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
