He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
