Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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