y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
